Study For Greenfield

Down in the field where the corn stalks get cut, get disced. Get sliced and hauled away and turned into silage. Get turned into something new. The stalks get cut down and turned into food. The stalks get cut down. Cut down in the fall. I'm lying there down in the field. Cut down. Cut down in the fall. Turning into something new. Turning over and over. My whole life turning over. I'm turning over in the field. Turning over how everything ends. Under the stars. Under Orion the hunter. Under those great swirling globes of fire. This starry night that never ends. I'm laying in the earth. In the wet damp earth staring into the sky and seeing the ends of all my friends and family. Seeing how this ball spins. Being turned into something new. Something glorious. Something that causes pain and joy. I'm dying in the field. Down in the field. Cut down in the field. Cut down in the fall.

Automatic Writing 2/6/2017

In the morning I wake up and make coffee and read news about the burning of the world. The burning of my country. The trampling of my flag. The muddying of ideals. The way we've fallen into pettiness and strife. In the morning I drink my coffee and stare out my window at a gray winter sky. The clouds hang low. The wind blows cold. There is frost on the glass. Steam rises from my coffee. In the morning I remember the spring that is coming. The grass that will be growing. I think of the times that are coming and a light fills up inside of me. There is goodness and joy coming soon. Our hearts will be in bloom, and we could walk down the rows of them one by one and bite into them and feel the juices run down our chins like watermelons or peaches or pears and the lovely fruits of our lives are not things you can see or hold or touch or taste but they are things you can love. The fruits of our lives are not our children but the things our children learn from us. I cannot wait to stand with you in the sunshine my darlings.  I cannot wait to stand with you in that bright burning light on green grass and I'll wear a wide brimmed hat, because I don't have hair and I'll wear my old jeans and together we'll kneel in the dirt and pray to the Goddess, Mother Earth. We'll make our prayers into plants and we'll plant rows and rows of prayers to glorify her name in our hearts. We'll plant rows and rows of prayers to sing her praises. Dirt under our nails, sweat on our backs and chest. Oh that is the song I want to sing on this cold winter morning. The song of a spade turning the earth. The song of birds singing in the trees. The song of insects humming. Birds Sing. Bees Sing. Earth Sing. Sky sing. Love sing. Hope sing. Dirt sing. Then when we have planted all that we will the sky will open up it's heart and pour gentle rains on us and blow gentle winds on us and we can stand under the roof on the porch and drink fragrant green tea and stare at the garden of our love our love for our mother our love for the dirt our love for the earth the goddess who holds us to her heart before she sets us down before we run away into the dark oh how I love her oh I feel her golden breath on the back of my neck I feel her arms grip me close and the song that she whispers into my ear is my life it is a phrase of love between the earth and my soul between all that is and my soul and that is my life. I think about this as I sip my coffee in the morning and stare out at the grey winter sky.

Automatic Writing 2/5/17

Darling bring the plates to the garden. Isn't that the loveliest phrase you can imagine? I imagine saying that to you in our house of blue. A house for two. A house for me and a house for you. Darling bring the plates to the garden let's eat our tomatoes and corn in the wet August air. Let's stare at each other in soft low light as mosquitoes bite us and then I'll reach across the table and take your hand and we'll look up at the trees and talk about how much this neighborhood has changed. Darling let's take these plates to the garden, I've already wiped off the patio table. Oh my love in the summer it's a sin to eat indoors. Oh my love in the summer it's a sin to sit anywhere but here in the place we made with our love. Darling bring those plates of corn and tomatoes to the garden, I'll bring you up a cold beer. Darling I love the way the setting sun plays in the leaves of our trees. Oh my love, oh my soul here we have made a home. Something more than wood and brick. Something more than light and air and love and shadow. How can this thing we've made be more than the sum of our parts? How can this thing we've made be more than the whole of our hearts? Oh my soul, oh my love, my life, my growing tree, take these plates to the garden and let us eat there in the sunset in the wet August sunset, the air is thick with bugs and they bite at us, and I love every single one for they pull me into this moment with you. Pull me into this moment after we've finished eating our tomatoes and corn, into the moment when I push the plates aside and take your hand and stare into your eyes. Oh my love oh my soul my light my growing tree my thirsting vine I'm the love you waited for, for such a long long time. Bring the plates into the garden and there we'll eat our tomatoes and corn with salt and butter and pepper and basil and mayonnaise.

Automatic Writing 1/31/2017

I am not afraid. I am no longer hiding in the dark under my blankets trying not to breathe or let the monsters notice my sweat drips down from my forehead past my nose on my cheeks it streams looks like tears it's not tears it's just sweat I'm not crying in the dark this is just sweat I was running in the dark not crying don't tell me I was crying I was running I'm a runner I'm a runner in the dark a runner in the black a runner in the abyss a runner who puts his feet forward with faith in the dark that's all you have in the black emptiness where nothing is there not even your hands can't even see them in front of your face you can't see or do anything but you have to do something because you are you so you put one foot forward you put one foot forward then you put the other forward and then the other and then the other and then the other and then the other and you pick up the pace and you pick up the pace and you put one foot forward and you put the other forward and you pick up the pace and you pick up the pace. You step forward in the dark with hope in your heart. You have to pick your feet up with faith. There's nothing else you can do in the dark. You have to do this it is the only way it is the only way it is the only in the dark there are no ways there is only one and that is to act with faith when you have nothing left you have to act with faith or you have to do something even if it'll kill you because being alone in the dark is the same as being dead is the same as dying is the same as purgatory being in the black depths in the abyss is the same as being in hell and when you're in hell the only thing you can do is put your faith in God and run. Run until you're out of breath and your fee t hurt and you know that you can't go any further.

Automatic Writing 1/30/17

Rise up and fight. Fill your fists with hope. Fill your heart with fists. Fill your soul with love. Strap on those worn out old boxing gloves. Punch a nazi today. For America today. Punch a nazi son. That's how it's done. Fight em in the morning fight em at night, don't let them go, grab em by their slime covered tails. Hitler was not right. Stalin was evil too. We're never done with this fight. It's morning in america and I'm ready to get some blood on my guts. Ready to puke liberty all over my shoes. Ready to stand on the barricades and shout in the faces of the fascists. It took seventy years for the second world war to come to our shores. Seventy years of sleeping eagles, dreaming of peace. Yearning to breathe free. Let me love you in the light of burning streets. Girl these sheets got a lot of heat. Here we stand at the end of things. The sky's on fire blue and the fields are burning green
I can't seem to catch my breath. I can't seem to hold it in. It shakes me. It sends shivers down my spine. Those mountains old and broken and rounded and jagged in their breaks and crags and cracks and teeth. I can't sleep I can't wake. I'm lost in a dream, an endless sequence of things running through me past me by me through me up me down me around me running me down running me into the clouds running me into the earth pulling me in with the arms of gravity pull me down from the stars. Like a meteor give a shout fill your soul fill your mouth from the rushing stream pop the rivets in your heart.

This is the sewage. THis is the muck these words are the sludge. I'll write a phrase that will shine and gleam in the dark in the stink, it will shine and gleam and thus make a chink, it will burst forth through your armor. Into your heart from my heart an arrow from the bow to catch on a bowstring and there take root and grow. Oh dear heart. Oh my dear heart. Oh my body's broken. Oh my soul is cracked. Oh my love has found me wrecked and ruined. My hair has fallen out from nape to lashes, I am covered in ashes. I am a wretch. I am a shame. A shade. A passing ghost and I rise. I rise up from my haunches. My spine uncurls. My fists unclench. Wash me clean in the river. Wash my soul in the muddy waters. Wash me oh wash me let me bathe in that blood of the earth. That mud. That soulful mud will wash me clean. Clear my lungs. Let me scream. I'm a towering titan born in a small small seed. I'm a work of bronze of brass, polish me clean. Let me grow. Let me unfold. Let me grow roots. Let me take root. Let me grow tall and stretch to the sky.

Automatic Writing 1/26/2017

Take me down to that old bayou where the stars light green fires in the swamps and burp and gurgle and stream slowly down the sounds of snakes and crickets spider webs and timeless dreams of things beyond the seems beyond the veil beyond the tears beyond the fears and fighting and crying and dying and the sounds of the water ripple slowly through drop by drop by drop falling leaves and whispering grasses the wind moves like hands across the water a presence in the dark a voice a sound a call a trumpet a wind a light a fire a voice the word the thought the holy thought the prayer the voice the holy voice the highest of high and holy ever holy the light beyond the dark the light beyond the veil the dance the holy dance the door the holy door the throne of power the seat of love the seat of wisdom all circle all dance all sing here we are at the end of things at the end of dreams and a small rock circles and turns and dances and life swirls and dances upon it here we are at the edge of time second by second slipping from the future into the past and oh my love can you see the stars turn above your head like a crown and your eyes sparkle in the dimness and flicker with firelight oh my love my breath my heart my heat my voice my soul speaks to you sings to you dances for you dances because of you sings because of you sings because of you speaks because of you breathes because of you breathes for you heart beats for you the pulse and flood of blood in my veins for you the fire that crackles through my nerves for you oh my heart oh my soul my only one my all my whole that thou art the maker of the world and wind and animals I don't doubt oh my heart my soul my holy voice the sound of your name makes me shake and shiver and I am lost in my love for you lost in my love of you lost in you love you praise you sing you shake you make you heal you fear you hear you sing you king you make me break me fires wake me come now and wind me in your arms wrap me up in them swaddle me in your breath wrap me in your kisses and love shed your tears on my skin wet my lips with your lips and fill my lungs with your lungs my light with your light

Shackled chained and hung
Darling what have we become?
Gnashing teeth snarling mouths
Being filled with nothing. Doubts
Herking, jerking, bulking, groping
Down in the dark, not even hoping.
Lost and battered, scattered and done.
Wishing this is the end that's come.