It's A Mess And Full Of Piss, But There's Nice Parts Too

I read some of your words today. None of them were about me. Or that's how it seemed anyway. I'll read them again and again until this is at an end. Or my life is over. Or the world is over. Or the water covers us as we sleep in the deep. Icebergs will melt and floods will come and deserts will grow and there will be nowhere safe for us all to go and I know I'm done and still not done and never done and never started and closed hearted and open mouthed and empty minded and bright light blinded automatic writer unconscious subconscious still can't find the right words to say how precisely I feel, because I feel ten thousand different ways at once and two hundred thousand contradictions within. I'm over, I'm done. We've both moved on. I'm stuck. I'm still here. You're not. That's clear. I'm just waiting for the next right one. My ship will come in, my lottery will win, my stars will align, I'll find my valentine. Just wait, you'll see it's not impossible for me. She'll never be you, but I'll always be me. We'll make a little life together at the edges of the woods. Trees growing, wind blowing moss tumbling down mountain streams gabardine dresses and no fussy frowns wide open prairies and waving grasses and corn with tassels and lots of lovely little hassles and tussles and furrows and fights with the masses teeming streaming people leaving work in their little cars on the highway that runs by like a stream of never ending steel and rubber and tires leave me tired and open and scarred and I just want to run. I want it my way I'm gonna be on the run without a gun, just for fun, in some universe you and I were the ones for each other not another no more now I'm done, and I'm just catching my breath because I'm going to speak until there's nothing left, tell the story no it's not boring going nowhere going somewhere can't it go everywhere at once give it all my voice every last little ounce strength is fleeting time is fleeting life is fleecing me of my years and good cheer still I'm merry, to the contrary now I'm old and now I'm wrinkled and happy and I've got crows feet which are those feet which come from smiles and joy and love and life and I wouldn't trade a wrinkle for another chance, I used all my worries on this chance and I won't let you take it from me, I won't let me be taken from me. I am myself I am my song. I sing my song all the God damned live day long. I hope you're strong, I hope your voice is high and clear and it pierces the air and the heavens part and light comes streaming down around you green light through trees and trails and bobtails and cocktails and horseshoes running on the ground I hope you've grown strong, my pains have ended, I held onto them too long. I hope everything that's happened to you has been a lesson, I hope that lessens, I hope it lightens, I hope it brightens I hope you're not slighted or blighted or soul dark nighted. I hope wind. I hope stars. I hope sunrises. I hope fun disguises and I hope high times and sweet peruvian limes and that nobody nickel and dimes you and that all of these times serve you. Oh my God. Oh my soul. Oh my heart. Oh my life. Sing the song of your life. Sing it long sing it strong sing it all God Damned lived day long. Fuck piss shout shit scream dream make it a pretty thing make it an ugly thing just make it a fucking thing, make a fucking thing that's the struggle that's the buckle we can't ever quite close that's the fuck-hole we can't ever quite fill that's the bucket we can't ever quite fill go to the well again and again and see if the water ever ends pour it out on the ground listen to that glorious sound oh my God oh my soul oh my heart oh my life I'm singing the song of my life with ink and with pen and in the end I'll never trade a sorrow for a joy for they become joys all in the end in the never ending dancing and glimmering that is this spinning ball of mud and piss and shit and filth and flowers growing by a running stream with a girl in a dress of gabardine and a fussy frown and a wide open prairie praise the waving grasses and corn with tassels and all of the hustle and bustle and hurry and scurry so my darling, my dear my whole heart come near and don't you worry don't spill a tear not a drop this thing will never stop it's called life and you sing it and swing your arms as you walk as you march as you chop down a larch you call it from your soul and the song like the wind will make you whole.