Automatic Writing 1/31/2017

I am not afraid. I am no longer hiding in the dark under my blankets trying not to breathe or let the monsters notice my sweat drips down from my forehead past my nose on my cheeks it streams looks like tears it's not tears it's just sweat I'm not crying in the dark this is just sweat I was running in the dark not crying don't tell me I was crying I was running I'm a runner I'm a runner in the dark a runner in the black a runner in the abyss a runner who puts his feet forward with faith in the dark that's all you have in the black emptiness where nothing is there not even your hands can't even see them in front of your face you can't see or do anything but you have to do something because you are you so you put one foot forward you put one foot forward then you put the other forward and then the other and then the other and then the other and then the other and you pick up the pace and you pick up the pace and you put one foot forward and you put the other forward and you pick up the pace and you pick up the pace. You step forward in the dark with hope in your heart. You have to pick your feet up with faith. There's nothing else you can do in the dark. You have to do this it is the only way it is the only way it is the only in the dark there are no ways there is only one and that is to act with faith when you have nothing left you have to act with faith or you have to do something even if it'll kill you because being alone in the dark is the same as being dead is the same as dying is the same as purgatory being in the black depths in the abyss is the same as being in hell and when you're in hell the only thing you can do is put your faith in God and run. Run until you're out of breath and your fee t hurt and you know that you can't go any further.

Automatic Writing 1/30/17

Rise up and fight. Fill your fists with hope. Fill your heart with fists. Fill your soul with love. Strap on those worn out old boxing gloves. Punch a nazi today. For America today. Punch a nazi son. That's how it's done. Fight em in the morning fight em at night, don't let them go, grab em by their slime covered tails. Hitler was not right. Stalin was evil too. We're never done with this fight. It's morning in america and I'm ready to get some blood on my guts. Ready to puke liberty all over my shoes. Ready to stand on the barricades and shout in the faces of the fascists. It took seventy years for the second world war to come to our shores. Seventy years of sleeping eagles, dreaming of peace. Yearning to breathe free. Let me love you in the light of burning streets. Girl these sheets got a lot of heat. Here we stand at the end of things. The sky's on fire blue and the fields are burning green
I can't seem to catch my breath. I can't seem to hold it in. It shakes me. It sends shivers down my spine. Those mountains old and broken and rounded and jagged in their breaks and crags and cracks and teeth. I can't sleep I can't wake. I'm lost in a dream, an endless sequence of things running through me past me by me through me up me down me around me running me down running me into the clouds running me into the earth pulling me in with the arms of gravity pull me down from the stars. Like a meteor give a shout fill your soul fill your mouth from the rushing stream pop the rivets in your heart.

This is the sewage. THis is the muck these words are the sludge. I'll write a phrase that will shine and gleam in the dark in the stink, it will shine and gleam and thus make a chink, it will burst forth through your armor. Into your heart from my heart an arrow from the bow to catch on a bowstring and there take root and grow. Oh dear heart. Oh my dear heart. Oh my body's broken. Oh my soul is cracked. Oh my love has found me wrecked and ruined. My hair has fallen out from nape to lashes, I am covered in ashes. I am a wretch. I am a shame. A shade. A passing ghost and I rise. I rise up from my haunches. My spine uncurls. My fists unclench. Wash me clean in the river. Wash my soul in the muddy waters. Wash me oh wash me let me bathe in that blood of the earth. That mud. That soulful mud will wash me clean. Clear my lungs. Let me scream. I'm a towering titan born in a small small seed. I'm a work of bronze of brass, polish me clean. Let me grow. Let me unfold. Let me grow roots. Let me take root. Let me grow tall and stretch to the sky.

Automatic Writing 1/26/2017

Take me down to that old bayou where the stars light green fires in the swamps and burp and gurgle and stream slowly down the sounds of snakes and crickets spider webs and timeless dreams of things beyond the seems beyond the veil beyond the tears beyond the fears and fighting and crying and dying and the sounds of the water ripple slowly through drop by drop by drop falling leaves and whispering grasses the wind moves like hands across the water a presence in the dark a voice a sound a call a trumpet a wind a light a fire a voice the word the thought the holy thought the prayer the voice the holy voice the highest of high and holy ever holy the light beyond the dark the light beyond the veil the dance the holy dance the door the holy door the throne of power the seat of love the seat of wisdom all circle all dance all sing here we are at the end of things at the end of dreams and a small rock circles and turns and dances and life swirls and dances upon it here we are at the edge of time second by second slipping from the future into the past and oh my love can you see the stars turn above your head like a crown and your eyes sparkle in the dimness and flicker with firelight oh my love my breath my heart my heat my voice my soul speaks to you sings to you dances for you dances because of you sings because of you sings because of you speaks because of you breathes because of you breathes for you heart beats for you the pulse and flood of blood in my veins for you the fire that crackles through my nerves for you oh my heart oh my soul my only one my all my whole that thou art the maker of the world and wind and animals I don't doubt oh my heart my soul my holy voice the sound of your name makes me shake and shiver and I am lost in my love for you lost in my love of you lost in you love you praise you sing you shake you make you heal you fear you hear you sing you king you make me break me fires wake me come now and wind me in your arms wrap me up in them swaddle me in your breath wrap me in your kisses and love shed your tears on my skin wet my lips with your lips and fill my lungs with your lungs my light with your light

Shackled chained and hung
Darling what have we become?
Gnashing teeth snarling mouths
Being filled with nothing. Doubts
Herking, jerking, bulking, groping
Down in the dark, not even hoping.
Lost and battered, scattered and done.
Wishing this is the end that's come.

The cold cuts by inches and life by miles. Time runs through glasses grain by grain and you can't stop a single one. They just get faster. They go faster. Everything slips and slides through your fingers. It just goes away. It all runs down. Runs into that chamber you can't reach. You try to hold onto one thing. Try to hold on to one minute or second and it's gone.

I dreamt of death and dust and desert sand choking every green growing thing upon the land. I dreamt of incineration radiation and it came for us all as we attempted evacuation burning us to a charred glassy gleam. I dreamt of the stars, the wild burning, tumbling, churning stars. I dreamt of the mountains of the moon which glimmered white in our doom. I dreamt of all the things we tried to stop. I dreamt of the end. I dreamt of long long ages of nothing, of death silent and slow, of endless night under clouds of ash, of time stood still because there was no one and nothing to mark it as it passed. I dreamt of all this. I dreamt of less than this. I dreamt of dying not just once, and not just me, not just you or we, but everything dying as a whole.

Never let me go into that night without saying goodbye
 never let me die in death
we dream away our lives and
I never want to wash away this one
never let me stop you from leaving
goodnight goodbye
never let me hold you back
from what you need
never let me stop you
never say I didn't tell you
never leave me in the dark cold
and Dead and rotten
never let me go that way
never put me in an old folks home
 without you
never tell me you don't remember
how we met or who I am
never let me die inside you
never let the knots loosen
the strings fray the knuckles buckle
and knees weaken shoulders give
and bend
never weep for me
in a church that's where
God visits only on Sundays
never bury me in a grave
never hold me down
I want to blow away with the wind
but with you
never scatter me without you
never put me in the ground
without you
never put me down
never taunt me or tease me
and please don't release me
our lives are nothing
but a joyous sound
never tell me I didn't say I love you.
I love you.

Hearted

Hoped and held and hefted and hucked and heated and harrowed and hollowed and heaved and hewn and heavy and healed and hafted and hated and hastened and helped and halted and hulked and happy and hinted and heaped and hurt and halfed and whole.

Light the fire build the pyre darling let me hear you sing.
Tonight's no lighter still the fire's crackling hear it brings.
I'm a sigher, nothing's dire, fates got me in a back swing
Roll the tires, heart grow brighter, the road calls me in spring.
Widening gyre highest flier that's my spirit soaring.
Building higher to the sky or to the stars eclipsing

Need a job
get a job
I need a job

woooo hooo hooo hoooo

Need a job
get a job
I need a job